


Within You

by Immortalpen



Series: Reylo parallel universe collection [2]
Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-23
Updated: 2018-04-23
Packaged: 2019-04-26 23:54:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14413206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Immortalpen/pseuds/Immortalpen
Summary: Post TLJ mini-story.Inspired by David Bowie song (for movie Labyrinth) - Within you





	1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

 

 

_How you turned my world, You precious thing_

  
_You starve and near-exhaust me_

 

 

 

Kylo Ren

 

He was the one spoken of in hushed whispers, his very name enough to inspire fear.

 

He was the Supreme Leader.

A dark force master.

A monster.

 

Snoke had prepared for all eventualities in his training, all ways to ensure that light was extinguished from his apprentice’s heart.

 

All except one.

 

_Her_

 

For he had forgotten, that while Kylo Ren was all those things and more, he was also just a _man_.

 

When she had escaped him while he lay unconscious on the floor of the throne room, littered with pieces of praetorian and his former master, his first thought upon waking was that she had failed to finish her mission.

 

Turn him or kill him.

 

She had done neither, and in doing so, she had shown a weakness.

 

A weakness for him.

 

It had been a long time since anyone had shown a weakness for him. Feeling toward him. Compassion. It was easy to imagine in her, for he felt its twin within himself.

 

When he had descended to Crait, and instructed his forces.

 

“No quarter. No prisoners”

 

He had known he would be entering the base alongside them, and then, while they dealt with the remaining rebels, he would find her and he would end it. Conclusively.

 

She had shown him her weakness, and he wouldn’t hesitate to exploit it. She wouldn’t kill him willingly, and therefore she was defenceless against him.

 

When she had already escaped him, in the hollow shell of the former base, while disappointment and hunger had roiled through his veins, he had willed the force bond to connect them.

 

The force had obeyed him, and he’d seen her, unscathed from their brush with death, high above in the stars. A queen, surrounded by mortals. He’d remained on his knees before her, as was apt.

 

For, despite his training, and his discipline. Despite all the years of death and destruction, torment and horror, the light remained.

 

And Rey was the light. And he wanted her so very desperately.

 

She was the first thing he could remember wanting, in a lifetime.

 

For, despite it all, something even he had forgotten, he was also just a man.


	2. Chapter Two

_Everything I've done, I've done for you_

_  
I move the stars for no one_

 

 

 

A flicker of dark on the lowly lit flight deck pulled at her as she set her welding torch down. Her fingers, singed and throbbing welcomed the break as she pulled her mask up and looked into the emptiness that always seemed to greet her of late. There were people of course, droids, working on repairs, pulling together the sorry mess of machinery that they had been left with, the scraps of a decade of rebellion. Relics of countless near misses, skeletons of daring escapes and rescues, and all the empty places in between, the phantom ships of those less fortunate. So very many spaces.

Though, even those were lessening now, with allies joining from the outer rim. Stories of Skywalker’s last stand, of a force rising to meet the dark had stirred up the fight in another generation of rebels. Ready to pledge their life to the cause, to spill their blood into the vastness of space for freedom from oppression, freedom from darkness….

 

Freedom from him.

 

At the thought of him, her heart always constricted, squeezing in a secret sadness. A sadness for her failure, for her weakness and regret. Always regret.

 

She usually avoided all thoughts of the man who she had once called Ben. The wound was still too raw and besides, it wasn’t like she had any time. Every day since she had last seen him in person, in Snoke’s throne room, surrounded by dead Pretorians, as he had stood there, his lonely, wretched eyes searching hers, his hand extended to her, unwavering in the air.

 

But it had remained empty, and in her dreams, that is how she always saw it. Unwavering in the air, empty, alone… waiting for acceptance, forgiveness. Waiting for her.

 

Now her days in-between had been filled with working and scavenging to find parts.

 

Watching General Organa liaise with new arrivals, appoint new command, keeping just as busy as Rey was, perhaps for the same reasons, for the sake of the same man, or men, she amended, thinking of Master Skywalker.

 

“Hey, you need to let up, you did get the memo right? You’re are not solely responsible for restoring the entire fleet.” She looked up to see a smiling Poe standing over her, his hip leaning casually against the X Wing she was working on. She settled back on her heels and gave him a smile in return.

“I don’t mind. I like to be useful”

“Well, there’s useful and there’s making everyone else look bad” Poe said, grabbing her mask, effectively ending her shift. She stood slowly, feeling her muscles and bones snapping back in place after hours of kneeling and crouching.

“That bad?” Poe remarked as she stretched one way and then the other. She nodded as she rolled her neck, wincing at the popping sounds.

“Come on, I’ve got just the fix”

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Rey ran her hand through the milky white water, raising her hand in front of her face and seeing heat curl off the slick skin. The location they had chosen for the new rebel base just happened to boast natural springs, to which they had found a cavern under the very base with easy access. It was communal and practical, much like everything in the Resistance. The smooth warm rocks soothed the tired muscles and the water was the most intensely relaxing thing Rey had ever felt.

She felt the weight of the last few weeks gently slip from her shoulders. She realised in that moment, how closed in her own head she’d been. Keeping busy, barely thinking, hardly feeling and closing herself off from her emotions. She was afraid of them, didn’t particularly want to face them, following her final confrontation with Kylo Ren. She could still see him, kneeling on the floor of the old rebel base, holding his father’s trinket.

 

The Supreme Commander of the First Order.

 

Thousands at his beck and call and yet, he seemed utterly alone. She had seen the vulnerability in his eyes, and she had made her choice. She had chosen to be good, chosen the light, and in her braver moments, she let herself think about how close it had been to going another way.

She tipped her head back, and let her hair swirl in the cloudy water, the warmth releasing the muscles in her neck. She felt a throb of colour pulse into her heart. The Force. Ignored for the last weeks, since Crait.

 

“Rey?” she heard Poe call, and hastened for her towel. Stepping quickly from the water, she wrapped the vast, worn fabric around her and squeezed her hair out.

“I’m coming” she called, but saw him already approaching. She wasn’t self-conscious, in a towel that covered more than clothes usually did, and her modesty wrap under, but there was something about Poe that had heightened her awareness around him. Something in his smile, in the interest he took in her, in his eyes when he looked at her. She wasn’t sure what to call it, perhaps the closest that seemed to fit was intent.

 

He looked at her with intent.

 

“Wow, I’ve never seen your hair down before” he said, coming to a stop before her and giving her the crooked smile that made all the girls swoon.

“Yeah well, it’s not really practical in a war” she said, wrapping it around her fist to get rid of the rest of the water. 

“Maybe, but, it’s beautiful” he said, and then, in a sudden movement that froze Rey to the spot he stepped closer.

“You’re beautiful” he continued, and she stared at him, aware that her mouth was agape. She closed it with a snap as his words hung unanswered in the air between. A million thoughts collided in her mind as she struggled to respond.

“I shouldn’t have said that, I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. I’m sorry” he said, seeing emotions chase across her fine features. She shook her head.

“I might not be used to taking compliments but I’m pretty sure making someone apologise for giving them is bad form.” And smiled at him. He looked relieved at her lightness, her determination not to let things become awkward between them.

“I’m sorry, with the First Order and the Resistance and everything… I don’t know where real life fits into any of that” she said by way of explanation.

“I know. We don’t live our lives for ourselves, but for everyone in the galaxy who has ever looked to the stars and dreamed of a brighter future.” Poe said as they walked from the limp warmth of the bathing cavern, passing other people coming in. She shot him a look at his lofty words, and he grinned in response.

 

“And some of us live to blow things up” he finished with a laugh.

 

The cool air of the hall brought goose-bumps to her bare shoulders as they walked. Finally, reaching her door, she started in, turning back to flash a last smile at the hero pilot, standing in her doorway with that same look in his eyes again.

 

Intent. The only other man to look at her like that, in a flying city above the clouds, his hand wavering in the air, had been more innocent. Rey herself might be as good as untouched, but there was an innocence to Ben’s look, that Poe’s didn’t have. Poe Dameron knew what kind of world could exist between two people, kept solely for themselves. Ben Solo did not. He had always been alone. Just like her.

 

“I know that just now, our lives are not our own. I know my timing sucks, but Rey, we won’t be at war forever” he said softly, and for one terrifying moment, she thought he was going to kiss her. The slight incline of his head, the shifting of one foot forward. Her panic must have shown on her face, because he froze halfway there and gave her that crooked smile again.

“See you tomorrow” he said, turning smartly on his heel and heading off down the lowly lit hallway. She shut the door with a sigh, leaning against it, feeling the cold steel on her bare wet shoulders.

Why should well-mannered and respectful advances from a man like Poe, someone good and true, someone who never doubted his side of this fight, who never wondered if everyone in the universe had it all wrong, feel so intrusive and awkward?

 

Why did her heart feel so crowded? So unsure of right and wrong? Why a flash of black from the corner of her eye, or a pair of soulful brown eyes made her heart pound.

 

Perhaps in some corner of her mind, she had known that letting down her guard would let him in again. Perhaps letting the force flood her simply opened their connection, she wasn’t sure, but she did know, that when she heard his voice, speaking softly, the first feeling was relief.

 

“Rey” he said, and her eyes snapped open.

 

As before she could see him, not his surroundings, only him. Dressed all in black, she had never seen him otherwise, his boots gleaming in the lantern light filling her room, the rest a velvet darkness that seemed to spread from him. Kylo Ren, here in her room, in the heart of the newest secret rebel base.

He was laying back on his bunk, and as their eyes met, the connection snapping back to life between them, he sat up abruptly, his face echoing his bodies shock. His eyes roamed over her face, drank her in, before moving lower, roaming over her towel and bare legs before moving back to her face.

 

“No. I am not doing this” she said quietly, ignoring how her heart flared with sadness anew. Seeing him filled some empty space inside her chest and the wholeness of it felt right, and even more wrong for it.

 

“Then end it” he said softly, his voice a quiet a command, devoid of emotion. His shields were going up, she could see it. The shutters being battened over his expressive eyes. The boy who felt too much and nothing at all.

 

She tried, she really did. She tried to cut herself off again, tried just to turn away, but his probing gaze held her pinned, and for all her mental efforts, Ben remained before her, studying her intensely.

 

“I can’t. Can you?” she ground out, clenching her fists on her towel as he stood and took a step toward her.

 

“Perhaps, perhaps not. Where are you?” he asked, his brow furrowing as he searched the space around her. She panicked for a moment, before remembering he wouldn’t be able to see anything except those things touching her.

“You can’t possibly think I’d tell you” she asked honestly. He tilted his head, still expressionless.

“I suppose not.” He said, and stepped closer still.

“Stay there, don’t come any closer” she said, holding a hand up at his chest level, unwavering in the air between them. He looked at it, that blank expression and those pained eyes.

“Have you found a new teacher yet?” he asked, changing the subject. She shifted, feeling cold creep over her now dry skin. His voice was gentle, inquisitive, as though he didn’t want to scare her off, didn’t want to push too hard.

“You know that Master Luke is gone”

“Yes, I know” he said, and she strained to hear some kind of emotion there, but failed.

“My offer still stands, I could teach you the ways of the force” he said, his dark gaze suddenly capturing hers.

“Why would you bother, I’m just some nobody, I don’t belong in this story, I am no one” she reminded him bitterly, his words still biting into her heart, making her vulnerable.

He stepped forward then, his granite face twisting with someone like regret.

“You do belong Rey, you could belong anywhere you wanted to. But me, I only belong with you. We have both seen it.” He said, as his chest came into contact with her hand. The material of his uniform was stiff under her fingers, and she could feel a deep and terrible cold emanating from him.

“The truth is, you belong more in these short months than I have in my entire existence” he said with a rough rasp. She tried not to let those desolate words touch her, pushed them far away.

“Join you so we can rule the galaxy side by side, death and darkness extending far and wide, and wipe out the last light left in this universe?”

“I said to forget the past, kill it if you have to, dare to imagine a word where infantile classification of darkness and light, good and evil no longer exist. A world where all people are equal and free…”

“Built on the bodies of the Rebellion. On my friends, and your mother.”

“To remake the world there must be sacrifice. To start again, no one can remain who would remake the world as it was. The flawed world. No one who could look at a young boy or any child, and not see that there is lightness and darkness both inside, that the balance of nature demands it” Ren finished, his voice rising with conviction and sincerity.

 

Rey frowned back, turning his words in her head, trying to make them fit. Trying to understand the profoundly peaceful words the dark warrior before her was saying.

 

“What do you want from me?” she demanded, pushing him back with her hand.

“Nothing, just you” he came back immediately.

She felt heat start to build in her cheeks at his stare.

 

“You’re insane” she whispered as he stepped once again closer, crowding the space between them, filling up her gaze with his broad chest.

“Maybe so, but when you look at me, I feel more balanced than I can ever remember” he murmured and the honesty seemed to cost him, his dark eyes flashing with vulnerability, and the frustration that came with it.

 

“That’s not fair. It’s not my responsibility to balance you” she said back hotly, her hand rising to stop his fingers that had been gliding toward her cheek. The shock of contact ran through her, just as the first time, like a deep yearning had been answered.

 

“I know. None of this is fair, it doesn’t make it any less real” he said, his eyes flickering to their joined fingers, marvelling at the effect such small contact could have.

“If you want to be better… to turn… you can Ben” Rey pushed, sensing his thoughts. His face twisted at her words, a bitter shake of head, and he was moving on.

 

“Just, come to me Rey, come to me, please. And everything will be alright. Everything will change” he said.

“So, you can handcuff me and let me be tortured again?” she cried, a memory of pain flashing through her that made them both flinch.

“Snoke is dead… I killed him, with the strength you gave me. Years I have dreamt of doing it and I never could, was never strong enough… until you. Now he can never hurt you again”

“But you could”

“I would never-”

“Never kill rebels? Never harm your mother? Never fire on a rebel base? Because those things would harm me”

Anger roared in his eyes, deep and fathomless as he fought for control over his writhing emotions.

 

“Just come to me Rey, together, every problem of the universe can be solved. Just… tell me where you are”

“Do you really think I’d trust you that much?”

“I trust you” he suddenly interjected, “I trust that you won’t kill me, even if you think you should. I would put my life in your hands Rey, that’s how much I trust in you, in our connection.”

“You are mad” she said softly.

“Let’s meet somewhere neutral, somewhere to talk, just talk, just us. Call it peace negotiations” he said.

“What’s the point when we can meet here, like this?”

“Here you can just disappear, and I can’t reach you. That wouldn’t make for fruitful negotiations” He argued.

“And in person you’d what? Detain me??” she demanded. He stepped away in frustration, running a hand through his hair.

“Of course not. I’d reason with you. I’d rather see you. I _need_ to see you.” He suddenly said, his hand falling away from his brow, and the honesty of his look froze her to the core. He looked as he had after they’d defeated Snoke, survived together, and he had pleaded with her to join him. He had looked so vulnerable and angry all at once. So frightened and so threatening.

“Everything is different when you’re here. I know you feel it too” he said softly. She shook her head reflexively, but couldn’t deny the tug of truth.

 

That feeling of safety and solidarity, or being whole, complete. The feeling of belonging she had experienced before, standing with him in the lift, zooming up to Snoke and certain death, a feeling of calm. Balance.

 

Suddenly, Kylo’s head whipped to the side, and his mask, the one he wore so very often slipped into place. Not the mask of chrome and black, but his true one, one forged during a childhood of neglect and loneliness.

 

The terrible loneliness of great power, calling like a beacon to all the filthy things that writhe in the dark, hungry to call that power their own, to command it. 

 

Would she have survived it, she wondered. If her power had called like a siren to creatures like Snoke, and he had visited her, comforted her, nurtured the darkness she had tried to keep at bay as she had waited and waited for a family that would never return. Her lack of legacy had kept her safe, but Ben Solo, with Vader’s and Luke’s blood had been marked from birth.

 

“Think about it” he instructed roughly, flashing her last hard look.

“You choose the location, the time, I’ll come. I trust you.” he said, before his voice fading away, and she was alone.

She threw on her clothes and sank onto the bed, her mind whirling. His words taunted her, his conviction of their connection, his zealous imagining of a better world, bloodstained and naïve as it was.

He was being irrational and foolish, offering to meet her, to come alone.

She could choose the location and time, she could bring reinforcements, and end this battle. The resistance could capture Kylo Ren, the Supreme Leader of the First Order. Turn him over, use this hated bond for something good. Use his blind faith. Surprise him, shock him and prove that she really doesn’t feel anything for him, that she isn’t finally complete when he is near. She pushed herself to her feet and grabbed a comm link. She had always held back from the killing blow, she couldn’t quite bring herself to end him, even as he had lain unconscious in the throne room, she hadn’t been able to deliver the final blow, even as the ashes of her hope for him had drifted down around her shoulders.

Delivering him to the resistance would be tantamount to killing him, she knew, and yet, maybe she could do it, in the name of peace and all that she held dear. Doing so would prove to him that this bond was nothing more than an inconvenience to her, and not the prayed for answer to her lonely soul.

 

Maybe in doing so, she could prove it to herself too.


End file.
